And you thought i was a goner...

Earlier this summer, I deleted my blog. A lot happened, a lot changed, and I felt an increasing tension between the life I was living and the life I wanted for myself. See, for a long time, I was just along for the ride, finding my identity in the person everyone told me I was. Most of the time that was fine, but there were a few key people who told me I wasn't good enough- not about my skillset or abilities, but about my character and the way God wired me. The even dumber part about all of that was that I started to believe them. I came to the conclusion that when I was created, there was some sort of malfunction. Some wires got crossed or something. And I stopped believing I could ever be anything besides someone who fell short.

That kind of life is frustrating and depressing, to say the least.

Then this summer came along, and due to the nature of circumstances, I found myself with a whole summer to rest and reflect- to reboot, if you will. I experienced grace and understanding in the most unusual of places. I learned what it meant to be loved unconditionally. I realized that there were a lot of things about myself that were buried under the scar tissue that had built up over the years. I began to dig- to unearth the person I knew I was created to be, and while I'm still on that journey- maybe I always will be- I feel like I'm able to breathe for the first time in years.

It's just in time, too. In a week, I'll be moving across the country to start a new job at an old church [it's been Methodist longer than the UMC]. I found a great staff to work with who make me laugh until I have tears in my eyes and make me excited about their passion to bring the Kingdom in a loving and gracious way. The kids are hilarious, as only teenagers can be. They're passionate about music and social justice and building community. Their parents are equally as wonderful, and their hearts for student ministry are evident. I've got a fire in my belly to get back into student ministry, and everything is falling into place, as divinely orchestrated things tend to do.

In one week, everything about my life will be entirely different, and I can count it all joy. I'll miss my friends and former students terribly- that's a huge heartache for me- but with the internet and phones and facebook [who ever thought I'd be grateful for facebook?], keeping in touch with them is easier than ever.

Be cheerful no matter what; pray all the time; thank God no matter what happens. This is the way God wants you who belong to Christ Jesus to live. -1 Thessalonians 5:16-18